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Sunday, September 26, 2010


It hit me this morning, darlings. The realization that I am not a kid anymore. See, I often read the back of cereal boxes in the morning, for it makes me look and feel less lonely at the table. I noticed their attention-grabbing illustrations of that superhero honeybee. And how the Honey Nut Cheerios were floating everywhere, as if every bowl made your mouth explode in the thrill of its glorious flavor. I suspect the advertisement team brainstormed possible ideas, and the winner was "orgasm in your mouth." What threw me over the top...was the big-ass exclamation point. At the end of an exciting sentence about the Cheerios' ability to magically lower cholesterol, they slapped a big-ass exclamation point. What are they doing? Naturally, everyone's attention goes to big-ass things, so this would lead some consumers to read it backwards. The now-backwards sentence don't make much sense, but they understand "cholesterol" and "lower," and bam, orgasmic big-ass advertisement team wins. Fast forward to morning after their delicious purchase, and they are on a couch, stuffing their faces, expecting the explosive pleasure that the box told them they were going to get. All of this was going through my mind at the table, and I began to voice my opinions out loud." A "BULLSHIT" rang out, and I slapped the box down. No one was watching me, no one cared. But I was ready to pull them into my raging storm, if needed. Years of schooling and common sense told me that Cheerios actually do NOT magically lower cholesterol, or fat, or sodium or whatever the hell you want to get rid of. Boys and girls, you have to WORK. I've been eating them for years... The Cheerios company even put a damn paragraph on the side, explaining how they "absorb" cholesterol. Ha! Ha! I glared at the fine print, as if to send a telepathic message to the production company, to make them piss their pants in fear. It wasn't until I finished my innocent cereal bowl that I realized...I wouldn't have done this 3 years ago. What is this, these feelings of hatred for a cereal box? I would have eaten even more, because Mr. SuperBee was on it, smiling while dripping sweet honey onto the mini-doughnuts from his honeycomb, stinger in the air. That's what hit me.  I have gotten to the point where advertisements supposedly aimed for a younger audience don't excite me. I'm growing up. And I hate it.

Let's go a little deeper, more important than cereal boxes and honeybees. As I've grown up, friendships have changed as well. I remember getting into a fight in 2nd grade over a group project. I wanted to weigh something, a dime I think, and this one boy didn't let me. I started crying. You would, too, if you were hell-bent on weighing a damn dime. A few more tears and everyone was trying to comfort me, while he sat awkwardly across from me. Somehow, I exploded at him, he started crying, the teacher got involved. While the rest of the class went outside to see the bunny and duck farm (I kid you not...they let us name them, too) I stayed inside. Yeah, only me, he got to name bunnies and have a grand time with everyone else. For a few years, that was the biggest "friend" issue I've had. And it started with a dime.

But let's go forward to my tween years. The awkward age where you don't really have your own personality, you based it on Disney shows, which, back then, were the shit. That was back when I thought a boy was in love with me if he asked me if my Tamagotchi could "mate" with his. The major "fight" with my friends was brought on by comments on hair. Hair. A mistake on my part, I didn't know a damn thing back then. But we made up, everything is fantastic. This was a time when the biggest secret someone was willing to tell was who their crush was.

Late tween years...this is when things started to get a bit more "real." People actually excluded others, and didn't let them back in. People actually had "rumor books" and some of the content was actually true. If we heard someone was making out with someone else's boyfriend, we weren't surprised. Of course, in less than a week something new would spring up. I think at this point, we were still basing our personalities on Disney shows...this was when Hannah Montana came out. Only our best friends knew about crushes, and it also included who they hated. Damn it. Congratulations, we've moved from dimes to hair to boyfriends...a little less materialistic as we go down the line.

Now present day, where issues involve actual personalities. That's right, people are fighting over what people are, and how they act, instead of what they do. Yes, material items still play a part in tearing relationships apart, and they will continue to do so. But the addition of an actual reason to fight has manifested itself in the hallways of high school. I'm not whining about it, I'm just acknowledging its existence. Secrets now involve family issues that you can now understand, and psychological, serious shit. Friendships are killed by someone's habits. In addition to being excluded from a group, people are willingly leaving, because they think they can judge what's really happening. Boyfriends not only talk to other girls, there's a possibility that he may be cheating with her. Sex is real. Drugs are real. Replacement is real. Loss is real. No longer are these the stories we see on television, we're in the middle of it. I think that this is the age where you can actually fall in love, because you've stopped relying on Disney to tell you who you are. Because of that, this is the age where you can actually get hurt. Feel free to disagree.

We've grown "into" the music too. There was I time I enjoyed Christian bible songs, and I was proud to have my mom blast it from our car. Now I am questioning the existence of God. Again, feel free to disagree, but refrain from trying to shove it down my throat.  There was a time I could spend the whole weekend watching TV. Now it's homework and being a lazy-ass on the internet. I didn't know anything about people back then, or myself, any more than they knew themselves. I hold a fascination for those days, because I feel that by being around each other, we built our own personalities. I didn't even have to think about college. I only said I wanted to go to UT back then because I liked Bevo. I used to ask my parents for money, and I would get excited for 20 dollars. Now I feel guilty when I receive 10 dollars, because I realize that my parents don't have money to throw away. A pinky promise was in order when a friend told us to keep a secret. Now they are called up when we have to actually do something.

I think what I dislike the most about maturing is that I am aware of all of the negative things. That's why I wrote this. All of this was happening when I was younger, I just lived in a beautiful world of blindness. Ah, where am I going with this? I don't know. This sort of jumped from cereal to life...I apologize.
Try being a kid  again, today. 


  1. Always being a kid, no worries!

  2. We will always stay a kid in some way..

  3. great blog :) great post


  4. man i wish i could be a kid again...

  5. Commenting because I just did the maze on the back of my Fruity Pebbles this morning.

  6. this is a good post that makes me want to come back for more

  7. Hehe. I also get pissed off at advertisements that I can see are clearly false. I think eventually you'll get used to the fact that most companies want nothing more than to make money and maintain their reputation. It may just become another part of the day... Or who knows, maybe it'll continue to piss you off for the rest of your life.

    I enjoyed reading this. When I was in elementary school, I remember crying and calling my mom because a girl called me picky because I was afraid to eat a hot dog that was pink on the inside (I didn't know better). Little things like that from the past stick out.

    I hated my teenage years, but I learned from them,

    Anyway, following you.

  8. I'm trying to fight growing up. I know it's probably immature of me, but I do stuff like watch a Disney movie every weekend and watch the anime I watched as a kid during my spare time. Because you're right, growing up does mean that we understand consequences, and we realize the negative. And I don't like that. And I don't want that. So I try to prevent it by acting like a little kid. I know I shouldn't but I just really don't want to grow up right now.