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Saturday, December 18, 2010

And So Begins the Break.

*Before I go on, this post has adult-themed references. So continue with a mature mind or skip over the picture. Sorry*

Aw. 2010 is about to take its leave, and I was about to miss the chance to send it off. Some friend I am. I'm not about to make this one of those "My Year in Summation" stories. I do find them interesting, don't get me wrong, but I feel that with my (few) previous posts, the reader would...already know about it. I'm not planning to mention possible New Year's resolutions in detail, either. I feel like the word "resolution" should be capitalized, because for most people it's an event. One of those things you RSVP for, get all pumped up about, maybe even go out and buy a few things in preparation for. But as you're walking down the road to it, you catch a glimpse of how difficult it's going to be to follow through with it, and you either retreat, or dodge it and do the exact opposite. </confusing analogy> Last year I made a resolution to bring my math grade up. At that time, I had just finished a math midterm, knowing that at least 50% of my answers had metaphorical question marks floating above it, along with brief apologies to my teacher as to why I suck so hard. The holiday spirit, good old Christmas cheer, inspired me to "do my best." Ha. Haha. A little while into the second semester, I found myself dodging my self-promise and doing the opposite of what was planned. Enough of this talk. No one cares about my math grades, only colleges that will determine my course of life.

See, at this moment, I have not a care in the world. It is the beginning of Christmas Break, and duties do not exist, aside from those required to survive. It's peaceful, joyful, calm...and driving me to insanity. Oh, I love solitude, don't get me wrong. I prefer being alone to being surrounded by boisterous strangers most days. But after a day of talking to myself, looking into people's eyes on Facebook (and comfortably accepting their stares back), silent singular dance parties, lonely tent-construction, and the like, I just want people. Feed them to me, throw them in bags, shove them in my mailbox, I don't care. Social interaction is what I'm after, and I plan to get it. I've tried Omegle, but I'd rather be greeted by my name in person, rather than "asl, and r u horny;)??" Just a side note, I often respond by luring them in with descriptions of a typical sexy female, only to reveal the existence of male organs as they start to type responses. Anyway, I love the absence of homework and tests...but despise the separation of friends. Cue tears, whatever, but this probably just goes to show how much of a life I am lacking. They're most likely out and about, while I sit at hom-OH my gosh, I need to stop talking.

"Was this conversation great? Download the log!"
I don't want a lot this Christmas. And no, sorry, no happy singing now. But, I don't care for material much as I used to. I mean yes, I've fantasized about being able to run my fingers across a shiny piano lid for some time now. I can't even play the damn things, I just planned to plink a few notes, convince myself that it sounds exactly like Beethoven, and mentally ride down the road to fame. In other words, I just wanted to teach myself by ear, just something to pass the time. I wouldn't be surprised if I received death threats from serious pianists...I'm sorry. A harp would be nice too, for they resemble angel wings in both structure and the notes they produce. Hell, I'll settle for bongos at this point, they're feisty. But still, it's not like I need them. It's not like my spirit is declining in intensity, just my lust for temporary things. I'm happier for not being disappointed in things I didn't get...simply because now, those desires don't exist. Well, I sulked around for a while upon learning that the planned trip to the Bahamas was cancelled. But we have the same weather where I reside, big deal. It's not a matter of money either, that's not the issue. Not like I care what others think, but I just wanted to clarify that the only thing that influenced this new mindset was internal discovery.

Alright, enough of that serious stuff. I mentioned earlier that I constructed a tent. It's in my room now, taking up a bit of space, which is nice because it makes me feel less empty. I set my heater next to it, mocking an actual campfire. The tent smells like polyester. It came with a tube, but the box calls it a "tunnel." To clear up any confusion, yes, it is a child's tent, intended for ages 4 and up. I'm old enough. I'm never going to have this opportunity again. I slept in it, on my bed last night, and that beats anything in the world. Tempur-pedic mattresses can take my tent poles and shove them through their memory foam. It was mildly uncomfortable, as my body in a horizontal position was too large for this kiddie tent to handle. My legs were hanging out of the entry hole...originally meant for the tube. In all honesty, I would have slept in the tube, had it not been for my dignity. Also, it was prone to falling off the bed. I would not want to be discovered the next morning unconscious in a tube. I would recommend the experience to anyone, despite my issues...Happy Holidays, everyone~

"Your children will have hours of fun with this pop-up tent and tunnel set, which can be used together or separately. The tent is perfect for camping sleepovers, either indoors or outdoors. Setting up is fast and easy with no tools required." 


  1. I know how you feel, this is I think the first year when I've realized I'm not super excited to open presents. I mean don't get me wrong I like that people were nice enough to put thought into what they got me but I'm afraid some of them just got me default girls gifts and I would rather have them not spend any money then give me something I dislike or something they didn't put effort into picking.

    For me it's the thought not the material gain. When I was little I just liked *stuff* I didn't care if it was meaningful or if I didn't like it. I liked it because it had wrapping paper on it and it was bought for me. But I've gotten over that idea and realized how stupid it was.

    Also I know what you mean about seeing people. I miss people and I'm really happy when I'm around them but as soon as we part the loneliness returns. I love my family but they don't help the loneliness for some reason. I can be around them and I still feel lonely.

  2. Thank you for your responses!
    Mister Sharaf, the whole internet is brutal, unfortunately. But every once in a while, you stumble upon something golden. :) Thank you for commenting and reading.

    Sarah! I've never heard it said that way, so I looked at it differently. Now that Christmas has come and gone, I feel oddly unfulfilled. I heard that others felt that way too, not just us. We can't blame it on "growing up." I refuse to. For now, I guess I "blame" it on the atmosphere. Even before, when the Christmas music first began to play, I wasn't "feeling" it. Ragh. Maybe we're afraid to admit that this Holiday spirit really is dead. Damn it. We still have New Year's to look forward to, though! I'm being dragged to a church against my will though...

    *insert positive life lesson here*

    I miss everyone STILL...just a few more days.

  3. Yeah, I stalked. So sue me.

    I would just like you to know that this definitely made my day. I know I say that a lot, so you might dismiss it. But, honestly, I was sitting here alone in my house, bored out of my mind and wanting to punch a wall. But then I read this...

    You are such a great writer and just an amazing person in general. You're attitude toward life is just really refreshing. I mean, It's not all "unicorns and cookies and rainbows", but it's not "depression, brusselsprouts and death".

    I really don't say this all that often to people, but I look up to you. I'm not saying that just to make you feel good about yourself (although 10 points to Kelsey if it does make you feel happy), but you're just such a...for a lack of better words, awesome person.
    Obviously some of this doesn't have to do with the post, but I felt that this was as good a time as any to put it out there.

  4. OH HEY. I'm sorry I haven't looked at comments in a while, so don't feel like I was purposefully ignoring you. I was not. I enjoy you. And thank you a lot for your feedback, it makes me feel...really good. Look at me. Repeat. You. Are. Beautiful.

    And while I appreciate how this makes you feel, I get excited when I see a new post on your blog, or any of my friends' blogs. But instead of doing this here, I will head over to your own blog, and continue this!

    <3 And you are one of the most amazing people I have been blessed to come in contact with, by the way. And it's not just a compliment for a compliment. Sarah, you too.