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Monday, February 7, 2011

Internet Journey.

The goal was to look up colleges suitable for majoring in psychology. It's my dream job. I want to figure out why we do the things we do. Sociology fits in there, too. But "psychology" sounds really great. My father had always wanted to instill in me a sense of focus. You set your mind on something, and you're supposed to head straight to it. That works when I am hungry, because I am always within 15 minutes of a refrigerator, or a fast-food place. But on a larger scale, say, my career, it doesn't. The more work I am required to do, the less enthusiastic I get about doing it. Unless, as mentioned before, it deals with food. I would haul a 2-ton crates of foam writing utensils across an ocean for food. That's pretty hard, because I'm not so sure foam writing utensils are available to the public, and if they were, they would be heavy in bulk.

You can begin to see why my outlook on "chores" doesn't work out. That's a pun! I stray away from the purpose quite often, and multiply the amount of time it would have taken to complete it by at least ten. So what happened on my virtual college hunt? 
Find it and join it. 
I mean, Lady Gaga didn't happen. She's usually my excuse for everything else, though. But no. Direct your sweet little eyes to the top-left corner. That is the perpetrator. I was going to say "penetrator," but that's slightly offensive. But you could say that it penetrated my sense of focus and left in the middle of the night without leaving its phone number. Asshole.

Actually, from now on, I will avoid saying *that word.* It shall be referred to as TP, instead of FB. Look, I know it's incredibly dumb, but right now, I think it's cool. But today, I logged about 5 hours straight on TP, took a little jog to the fridge, filled my exercise quota, jogged back, which filled the quota TWICE, so I don't have to jog at all tomorrow, and spent 3 more hours on TP. And when I say "on" I mean… it stayed open on my browser, it doesn't necessarily mean that I was on it.

I went on other sites, too! And I put an exclamation mark to show you that I can get excited about other things. There really is no appeal to TP, other than the possibility of finding more useless information about someone. Most of the time, you find out things that would be awkward to bring up in person. Maybe you don't even talk to the people you watch. Maybe they forgot that they left that precious information on the internet, and didn't want anyone to find it. I probably did. I'm so sorry.

I went on a Youtube binge, too. It usually starts with a link that someone gives me. Little do they know, they set off a reaction that could only accurately be personified by one of those huge inventions with a lot of gadgets that produce one thing by using a lot of steps. And no, it's not a woman.

I'm a Youtube junky! Junkie? My friends fill up my URL bar with links to things, and I click on it. Then I develop a liking for it… and it grows. So I feel the need to feed it with more of the same thing that began this. Look, this is one of those things that can't even be compared to a pregnancy or doing drugs. It needs to be both. It has to.

ANYWAY, Youtube ads are swell. There's no other word for them, they just have a certain glow about them. They are like  commercials, except more annoying because the thing we want to watch is usually shorter than a commercialed-show is, so it seems more frequent. But one side-ad caught my attention.
I was watching the Cholo Adventures, and eGO was tryna pick himself up some big booty hynas. Does Youtube think I want to think about birth control while watching it? If so, why did they assume that whenever a guy whistles at a girl, he wants to have sex? I smell RACISM.

I don't smell racism, actually, and I am aware that this was probably just a random ad, so it is very wrong of me to accuse Youtube of racism. For the second or third time in this post, I am so sorry. But this is still very odd. It feels so out of place. When I come to Youtube, I expect to be hit by ads full of future careers and OH CRAP, back to my goal, what the hell happened? Yeah, at this point, I was reminded to stop having fun and get down to business.

But then my eyes ogled the "Suggested" section, and I saw a lyrics video for a song I hadn't heard. I saw how many views it had. How the hell did I not see this earlier, my ears have been missing out! *Cliiiick*

I liked the song. I liked it a lot. Which leads me to the next thing I saw on a website that offered… information about the song.
HELL YEAH, Peaceful Middle-Aged Asian Woman, I *will* see if I qualify. But wait, my age isn't even on there. Why do you put yourself out there, and tease me with your body language, when you have nothing to offer me? Throwing up peace signs implies openness to people. Why can't you be more open… to me?

All of my encounters with middle-aged Asian women have ended like this. Particularly my current math teacher. But my mother is different. My mother is way way different. Because she is my mother.

I continued to stare at her face in anger and confusion until I saw "SCHOOL" in fancy-ish font. Oh right, college, haha forget the song crap, let's seriously focus on college. So you know, at this point, I was pumped, because there was absolutely nothing else to stop me from finally reaching my goal. Facebook was calling for me, I saw a little "(2)" on the cute tab thing. But no, I had to be strong, I had to stick to the plan. When you stray away from the plan, bad things happen.

I clicked on the tab, though. Just a few "likes." WASTE OF TIME. "Likes" are for people who think that the conversation I am having isn't able to be saved from awkwardness. I was guilty of it when they first came out. But no, I actually like talking to people on Facebook… so unless the conversation is sending a billion notifications to other people, talk to me. I will stare at you until you talk to me.

Yet, my brief getaway to Facebook wasn't a total waste of time. I managed to have a pleasant conversation, that went something like this:
It wasn't the best rap, but the guys had fun.
I sent a link to a rap battle, courtesy of the brilliant men of a certain school. They are known for their campus presence and polo shirts, along with their ability to sweep girls off their feet, ohmydamn, visual explosion, maturity, they are wonderful, this doesn't make sense. But these guys, oh boy, these guy rapped. It flowed like honey. Or alcohol and food chunks from the mouth of a college kid.

College kid.


Damn it, that's right.

But my realization didn't mean I was going to go straight to my goal, even when again, I was so close. I was on the right path, it's not like I was looking at random humor sites...anymore. In fact, I decided to check my almost-forgotten email. And it was there that I found the crapload of college emails. At first, I thought colleges didn't want me, because all of my friends were talking about different ones they had gotten… while I sat in front of my school email with a frown. Maybe a few tears.

But none of these colleges drew me in. I mean, their presentation stood out, most definitely. And I understand that Princeton isn't going to email me anytime soon, but… still. I mean, a little notification, just to motivate me to do better in chemistry.

At this point, I was going to post a picture of one of the emails they sent me, but I realized that they could find this and spread rumors about how ungrateful I am, then no one would accept me. I'll give a hint, though… it has a weird name. And that is vague enough to throw any college prowlers off.

Instead, have more delightful TP conversations.
I support people.
So by now, I was basically touching my goal. Not where I need to be touching it, but I'm on the brink… like its head. I need to get closer. I finally closed out all other tabs, and opened my homepage, which is Google, and it's really pretty and purple. My current English teacher likes purple, too, and though I can't offer many great conversations on literature, we can talk about purple scarves and it's pleasant. She let me try on her glasses.

So I typed in "psychology colleges." And I waited as it loaded. Hello, Goal. We meet… for the first time. I swear, it's like winning a prize, or maybe a scholarship. I'm pretty sure you can "win" scholarships. You can win happiness. Actually no, that just comes to you. There are no losers when it comes to happiness!

Except the next event makes me feel like a loser when it comes to happiness.
As awesome as Chrome is, I just felt angry at it. The whole internet, too. They say that the internet is serious business, but then, it was poking fun at me. This little thing is responsible for awkward cut-offs in chat and delayed responses that could be taken as offensive, or overly dramatic. Screw you, Internet, for not working with my procrastination, thus preventing me from finding a goddam college. I just decided to munch on my frosted oatmeal cookies while listening to music. 


  1. One reason that I always have so many tabs open is because I start off doing something important (like homework or something like that) then I'll check my email and I'll get a youtube subscription notification or something and then I'll get 8 tabs of youtube, and then I'll check 6BS and DBPB and facebook. And then I'll check my twitter and I'll open a bunch of links to that. and because I'm super ADHD I'll start getting off task, remember my previous purpose and be like "I'll come back to that" leave it open and then they pile up. And so I'll try to get around to doing stuff but so many websites have the "related links" shit at the bottom so they start multiplying and then I have to have 2 windows just so I can see what's what and yeah....