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Thursday, February 3, 2011

It's Cold.

Snow in Houston is a big deal. A huge freakin' deal. I mean a literal deal. We give up our warmth and weather stability for a few hours of falling ice. Actually, weather stability is just a nice fantasy that we like to keep in the back of our heads. Like evil thoughts. By circular reasoning, weather stability fantasies are evil. Perhaps. And when I say "fantasies," that is open for interpretation. Being a Houstonian, I perfectly understand if someone obsessed over the possibility of pleasant weather for a whole week. I would understand if they took that obsession to the next level and started composing symphonies for the notion. Hell, if you want to write fanfiction about the personification of perfect weather in this city, call me up and we can start working on it. My only request is that it would not cheat on the personification of Houston. Houston would be a homely girl with a slight bit of sassiness and a love for Mexican food. And...and Mr. Perfect (Weather) could look like anything, so long as he isn't afraid of commitment.
I only added this because it was the first result on Google images for "Mr. Perfect." He seems almost as tan as me, but unless he's half-black, too, it's just weird. I like tan people, though. 

I'm just killing time by writing this, because I do intend to stay up to see the first snowflakes fall. Someone said by 5 it would snow. Heretics. Now they are saying 10. 10 is the magic number. Along with 13, because it looks really cool. Speaking of numbers, I wonder if a mole of snowflakes is enough to make a decent snowman. Actually, no, screw patriarchy, I mean snowwoman. Ugh, but it has two w's in a row. It looks gross. Even our language is patriarchal. It's like Spanish, and I'm not a huge fan of Spanish. Oh, math, chemistry, grammar, and a foreign language were all featured in the paragraph. Four teachers should consider giving me an extra two points on my last tests for this… I sort of need it.

In our little fanfiction, can we add a side character? Time? Please? I plan to kill it even more. And what better way to metaphorically kill it than "humanizing" it and killing it in a work of fiction? I promise it won't manifest itself into real life. I wish I had the power to do so. But I've tried it. It doesn't work. If it did, I'd be rich, living in Florida, and married to a cucumber crush from my childhood. A literal crush on a fruit. It's a fruit, right? Don't answer that, it makes you look snooty and me look stupid. I embrace my stupidity, for it makes me laugh. I may have mentioned the attraction, but I refer to it periodically to make you guys question my sanity. I've ruled out that the cucumber was representative of some Freudian penis theory. I liked it because the cucumber had a cool voice and a sunny personality. I wish I could play the sound clip as soon as you read that line. Like right here.
...I still like pirates, though. 

Have you ever stayed up so late that one thought melts into another, and then words start to melt into eachother? Say you are staying up late with someone, and you decide to talk them them, and all that comes out is hrrrmmfucksleepwearewarriorsbuzzz. And yes, it may not sound believable, but some people buzz when they are tired, just to let others know that they are not dead. That's sort of what is happening now. Except I am all alone and I am not about to talk to myself when I can talk to the screen. Also, my thoughts are pretty separate. (EDIT: I just said a sentence out loud, and the words are distinct.) So it's not really late at all. But it feels like it is. I woke up at 3AM because I fell asleep while studying for Spanish, and my treacherous body wanted to torture me.

I desperately want to sleep right now, but I have an obligation to see snow, damn it. It's just as important as giving birth. If you held in a baby for longer than you are supposed to...I don't know where I am going with this, but it's sort of like that. Maybe you explode. I'm not going to find out anytime soon.

Actually, speaking of pregnancy, it would seriously suck if you got impregnated by an alien. Let's be mature about this though. Some aliens may have a similar anatomy to humans. But we honestly don't know for sure. For all we know, the "males" are probably "females" too, so they don't really need to depend on each other to multiply. If that is the case, humans don't have to worry about being probed and penetrated by them, right? Wrong. So wrong. If you were a visitor to a strange planet, wouldn’t you want to touch the closest living thing? I would.  And maybe their society is totally different from ours. You know, maybe the equivalent to a simple "hello, here, shake my hand," in their world is insertion of their genitalia, if they have them. And maybe they do that sort of thing to each other all the time, except since they are both male and female, the alien sex cells cancel each other out, like spectator ions, I think. More chemistry! And life cycles and biology! But with humans, it's different, because we only can produce one type of sex cell per gender, so it is over-ridden by the alien sex cells.

Think about raising a half-alien, half-human baby, too. It'd be two thirds one gender and one third of the other. What would that mean? I'm sure there's an internet flash thing floating around that allows you to design your own life-form. If not, I will see what can be done.
...This one is understandable. Although it's tall, it still sort of looks human...and damn it all, I find it attractive. I mean look at it. And screw the bitch behind him, although she's pretty nifty. 

I… don't know what happened over the course of writing this. I'm not going to apologize. Well, I will if it offended you. I see how it could be offensive to aliens who actually respect humans, and don't appreciate me generalizing them. AS OF NOW, it is 3 minutes until the projected "snow time" and it's not SNOWING. Bitches and whores. (EDIT: It's past the projected time and I am too fucking tired to go out, plus it's cold, and every one is asleep and my dad has the keys. Yes, I suck.) 

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