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Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Support Gay Rights.

It's true and I am firmly standing behind it. It's part of the reason I do not follow major religions. It's part of the reason my father and I argue so much. I just don't see anything wrong with two people loving each other. How can people be against love? Damn it.

It doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is, just support whatever the heck you want to. My father, my very own father says that homosexual relations are on the same level as murder. His reasoning? No sin is greater than any other. I outright asked him if he thought two gay men living together is on the same level as murdering someone, and he hesitated and said yes.

Oh yes, clearly. Clearly someone loving someone of the same gender is as bad as someone killing someone out of hate. This is ignorance. Total ignorance, and I am very mad. Some of the best people in the world that I have had the honor of meeting and befriending are not straight. And to hear that my very own father thinks that they are committing a sin that is on the same level as murder infuriates me.

I offered to have him meet some of my friends. The "sinners." Those who are definitely going to burn in hell. I want him to see how "evil" they are. I want him to see the impact they have made on me. I guess I'm going to hell, too, for supporting them and considering them my family.

Then again, I wouldn't want anyone to have to face the judgement of an ignorant person. My father is a great father. He sends us to schools, feeds us, cares for us, he loves us, tries to make us follow the right path. But if that path means hating those who are not straight, I'm not doing it.

I need to calm down. While I am doing so, let me just break apart this whole deal. What is your definition of love? Is your definition completely backed by the Bible? Is love something that is meant to be determined by someone else? Can you control who you want to love? No. No. I don't think so, I know so. Yet my dad thinks that homosexual people choose to love who they love.

When he talks about homosexual people at his workplace, he doesn't talk of them like they are human. What is so fucking different about them? How are they hurting society? How are they affecting HIM? How do they impact his life? What causes him to hate them for loving?

That's the main reason I drifted away from being completely religious. Some humans are putting limits on the purest form of humanity in existence. I understand if you disagree. I encourage you to argue your opinion, while respecting both sides.

I want to scream. I hate people sometimes, I really really do. I hate how judgmental they are. And I promised I wouldn't bring up race, but now I will. My father talks about how black people are hated for their skin color. Something they can't control. You can't control who you love. It's like racism. I find this extremely hypocritical of him.

When I was growing up, he drilled into our heads that homosexual people were evil. He'd tell us stories of how men would try to hit on him. Or so he thought. He'd call them "funnies." And for a while, my sister and I would do the same thing. It was like we were talking about a different species. It was exactly like racism.

This lead me to do a really terrible thing in middle school. I mentioned it in my very first blog post, and I guess now is the time to tell it. I had a best friend. I won't say her name on here for privacy. We would give each other gifts and do other best friend stuff. She was the only person I felt comfortable with in middle school in 6th grade. We talked on the phone a lot, and we were always paired up for teams and all of that.

She called me once, and invited me to her house. It gets a bit weird here, because my memory is fuzzy. But I will tell the whole truth and not try to cover things up to make me look better. I know other people used to do this when they were little...bathing with their own siblings and whatnot. For some reason, we were talking about that. And no, it did not have to do with the invitation to her house, because that needs to be noted. It was just a conversation. Yes it was rather weird, and I don't remember how we began that conversation.

The following week, I told people at school that she invited me over and wanted to take a bath with me. I twisted her words. I ruined her. I ruined her life. Everyone talked about her, and she could hear it. I don't know why my bitch-ass self did that. The teachers somehow found out. My English teacher took me aside and offered to have me move seats. I don't remember how I felt.

You know what? She was still trying to be my friend. After my utter betrayal and lying, she still sat with me, she still talked to me We just never spoke on the phone again. She sat next to me during our 6th grade "graduation." She kept telling me that she blushed when the guy she liked was looking at her for a few moments. She didn't come back the next school year.

I talked to my Speech teacher during my freshman year of high school about it, because she also served as a counselor, of some sorts. She said that I should try to find her and apologize. I did find her on Facebook. I typed up a long apology. I hesitated before I sent it, but if I didn't do it, she would never know how sorry I was for ruining her.

Today I sifted through all of my Facebook sent messages to find it. I apologized on July 17th. She's alright about it. She forgave me. She is the better person. I don't want any one to say otherwise. It was a very stupid experience that should never have happened. She forgave me.

I hate my 6th grade self.I hate her so much. I hate the stupidity, rather. I hate my 6th grade self's actions. I hate my father's beliefs on homosexuality, but I don't hate him. I do... say I hate people, but I just truly can only hate their actions.

You don't learn this sort of thing in schools. You don't learn how to treat others. You just sort of come across it, with a bit of guidance from parents and other influences. If I happen to have children, I will not instill a sense of hatred in them. I will teach them how to love others and not immediately strike back when others hurt them. They will get hurt. We all do. They will not care about race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, the amount of money someone has. The only thing they will judge a person on is their actions, not things they cannot control. My children will love. They will be raised in an environment in which injustice towards those who are different will not be tolerated. My children will hopefully grow up and spread those beliefs around. It is all I can do to make up for ignorant people.

Or course, I sort of dread having children, because childbirth is supposedly hell. I can still say "hell," right? Even if I am not your traditional religious person who doesn't support love-related freedom? Good.

4 comments:

  1. This was such a great post. Like, honestly, you've said everything I think. I think that the church and religion should stay out of the bedroom. I mean, it doesn't matter who we love as long as we love someone. It always kills me inside when people trash gay/lesbian/bi/transgendered/etc. people because some of my family members and good friends are. It also annoys me when people think that just because I support gay rights, that I am also gay. People are just really stupid sometimes.
    And, Micaela, I know that you're always going to feel bad about 6th grade, but we all have our skeletons in the closet that we wish we never would have done. I know I have a million, but I like to think that they have taught me valuable lessons and made me who I am today. You made the right decision by apologizing. Just because we make bad, mean and stupid decisions doesn't mean that we are bad people.
    This really was a fantastic post.

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  2. So I typed up a really long comment, and then I accidentally clicked a link and lost it. So I'll try to redo it.
    I really like this post. It sort of gives me some insight into what made you *you*. My entire family has always been pretty accepting of gay people, except my mom thinks bi people "are just desperate". I try and sneakily show her stuff to change her mind like telling her "did you know Hans Christian Anderson was bi?" and she'll just say something like "oh, they had that even back then?" and it breaks my heart.
    I love gay people. And I hate how much hate they go through. I would never *choose* to be gay and deal with that much hate. I can't believe people think it's by choice. I'm bi and I've had people tell me they can't be friends with me because I am. And it hurts, but you know, I wouldn't really want to be friends with people like that.
    I refuse to stand during the pledge of allegiance every morning because there isn't "liberty and justice for all" as long as there aren't equal rights for gays. And Ms. Granito might glare at me and tell me to stand and make announcements to the class about how we really need to stand. But I don't care. I'll stand (err, sit) for what I believe.
    Also, I find it really impressive that you apologized. You're a better person than me. I've pushed all but one of my friends away after 2-3 years of friendship, and I haven't apologized to any of them. I want to. But I'm not brave enough.
    And I'm sorry that you lost your faith partially because of this, but if you're following your beliefs (that got confusing fast) then it's probably good.

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  3. I really really really love it when you guys read and comment. Don't think I'm saying "thank you" just to be kind! I also really want to thank you for not totally dishing on my father, and I do appreciate that, because I feel terrible for bringing one of the people I love the most down to this position.

    @Kelsey: People ARE stupid. And thank you for not seeing me as different now for being a shitty person back then. As much as the world sucks, I hope you realize that you are like the kitten in a field of corrupt societal views, represented by jungle cats who bite. In other words, you are the embodiment of acceptance and just overall wonder. And I'm not trying to be funny.

    @Sarah: Thank you for not judging my 6th grade self, too! I admire your efforts to stand up for what you believe in, and even if I were to become a man, I wouldn't have the balls to do what you do in Granito's room. That's courage. And just to let you and every other one of my society-dubbed "different" friends know, I will remain your friend. I see it like this: I befriended you back then, and there's no reason to stop now!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you both, and all others. :)

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  4. XD I've always done shit that gets me in trouble, generally adhering to what I believe. It's important, you know? I think if it was something you felt super strongly about, you could probably stand up for it, but I don't know.
    I hate society's sterotypes (dubbings?). They all suck. Dear Society: I am who I am, not who you say I am. Sincerely, The whole world.
    Thanks for sticking around, I love you.

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