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Saturday, April 16, 2011

"Reason Vs. Emotion"

That's a phrase one of my favorite teachers brought up. It has to do with Jane Eyre. Jane has a lot of passion, and she likes to let it show. So do I. So that last post may have been a bit too much. I don't want others to think my father is a horrible person. He is not. He's my hero in a lot of ways. He is a product of his environment, like everyone else. So I'll explain all of that later, but I just wanted people to understand that one thing. My father is not a mean person. Now I'm the ungrateful daughter. Damn it.

For now, I will breakdown my...emotional breakdown. That tends to happen a lot, whether I welcome it or not. When I wrote that last thing, I was just...angry. I was mad. I was hurt, above all. The people who are supposed to love you hurt you the most.

Can I just be frank here and say that I despise being a girl at times? We're moody. We are very very moody. Something in that second X chromosome gives us the ability to lash out at anything that does not biologically possess female genitalia. Men can do that too, but that's rather douche-like.

So I'm a moody little bitch. My day was a quadruple-humped camel back of emotions. It started off lazily, I went on Reddit and laughed at some stuff, then I saw Tangled and cried for a while. Then I went on Facebook and felt like a shitty friend. I went back on Reddit to laugh. And then I cried some more. Next I winced at Bear Grylls. Cried again at my failure as a child and here I am.

I don't "feel" much. I feel calm. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything else. Not even happiness. That's just unrealistic.

I can, however, obtain milk from my fridge. Yes, I drink my problems away. Not excessively. Milk is just calming. (Go figure.) I'm proud because it will probably lower the risk of osteoporosis. I hear that's common for some reason in "women of African-American or Asian ancestry over the age of 40-or something" according to some commercial. I fit two of those requirements, so I'm not taking any chances.

I know that some girls out there count calories in every single thing they eat. I'm not going to oppose them, because I did it, too. I'm just saying that every girl has a breaking point. I would not count calories while crying.

Damn, son, you better believe I will sit on my bed with a half-gallon of Bluebell ice cream and not have any regrets. I'll take care of the chocolate-marshmallow mess after I clean up my soul. I would like to shut off all contact from people at this point, because although I am filling my face with foodstuff, I will not miss a chance to attack you verbally.

Look for the tell-tale signs. I will put my hands on my head a lot. Sigh annoyingly. Roll my eyes. Make a rude passing remark. Not make any attempts at humor.

These are indicative of the storm that may or may not come.

Sorry.

My arm is itching and I probably have an allergic reaction to one of the bracelets. Hm. Also, does anyone else sneeze a few times when they wake up? I'm sure someone out there does. I know it. I Googled around and I guess it's because our horizontal position lets the mucus pile up, and in the morning, the sneezes try to get it out. 10 times every morning. Tonight I might sleep upright, propped up with a pillow with milk by my side.

I really like milk.

4 comments:

  1. This post just made my life complete. <3 you

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  2. I have an emotional breakdown whenever I fight with my daddy, and I always feel like a bitch and that it's my fault and then I end up eating chocolate or icecream or both (warm brownies with vanilla ice cream is best). I don't sneeze when I wake up, even if I'm sick, I'll wake up with my nose clear and then by breakfast it'll get stuffed up.

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  3. @Both of you, once more: :) Thank you for reading and commenting. Much love to you both, and I wish a burlap sack of rainbows and kitten fluff on your doorsteps. Oh, I think life is messing with us now. It always has been. But the food aspect...is redemption. :) :) And Sarah, that's so odd. I wish sneezing and stuffy noses would just stop altogether. :(

    :)

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  4. I will get first comment some day. I vow to do so.

    Anywho, being a girl does suck sometimes. I like to think that I have a good grasp on my emotions, but I really don't. I just know how to deal with them when they pop up.
    Milk is great.
    But, yeah, don't think you're a bad person or anything just because you lash out and get mad at people. I know saying everyone does it doesn't make a difference, but everyone does it. Plus, it's better to get feelings out and about. Like Williams Blake said "I was angry with my friend:
    I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
    I was angry with my foe;
    I told it not, my wrath did grow" If you read the poem it will make more sense (it's called the Poison Tree), but basically it says that if you hold things in instead of letting them out, the effects will be worse.
    You're a cool dude.

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