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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Free Time.

I just feel like writing. Why? I can. I have time. It's a Thursday and there is no school tomorrow. That day will be spent in solitary confinement, with nothing but Whitney Houston, baby wipes, Pringles, and WebAssign reviews. Baby wipes just smell really great. This brings me pleasure. I feel like writing because I am bored. The good bored, where you are not yet finished with everything, but you have more than enough time to do it. I'm sorry for blatantly lying.

I like to browse Reddit. It's a... well, I'll be vague and say it's a forum. People post, people comment, people lurk. Every once in a while, you come across a gem. It's a wonderful way to relax. Just open up a bunch of tabs and go through every one of them. Some of the posts are thought-provoking. You actually get to meet some of the big, bad scary people hiding behind the veil of Internet Anonymity. And they're honestly misunderstood, broken people like the best and rest of us. It's great.

I came across one where someone asked, "What was the most meaningful experience you've had with another human being?". I wish I could answer that in less than an essay-length comment. I find that the most meaningful are the little ones, in which you get to know a smidge more about someone every time. Like peeling off stickers from tests to slap on your computer. Slowly... with care... maybe silent laughter.

(Interruption: I feel like I might as well write down random thoughts. My math teacher today drew a really odd cylinder, and I cannot keep from bursting into sniggles when I picture it. I was laughing behind my computer screen in class. It's not even funny when I say it out loud, or when I type it out. But damn it, it makes me happy. Happy cylinder.)

Anyway, some of the posts in this thread are just warm. Warm things are the best. People are warm .hugs are warm. So are good cookies. Cold ones are fine, but that's like settling for turkey bacon when you can grow balls and find actual bacon. Turkey bacon ain't got no problems, either.

Baby tears were formed during the reading of this thread. I freaking love babies and small children. So innocent, care-free, so damn cute. Baby vomit has this unique smell to it. It's sort of sweet. Like baby formula, mixed with adorable stomach acid. Aw. I would not drink it, but if Jelly Belly came out with a Baby Vomit flavor to include in those damn packs, I would eat it. The fish-flavored ones are SO accurate. How do you capture that? Hm?

Guys, I'm just really happy for everyone. It's scary because for this one moment in time, everything is close to perfect. The worst has yet to come. I want everything to freeze and stay this way. I don't ever want to go back to a time where things were different. But I know we're in the middle of something, and we'll have to go on. But everyone just seems to be really happy... on the outside.

I am happy when others are happy... or just calm. Not bothered by other things. Wait, I take this break to inform us that not everything is alright, of course. One really really really good friend that many of you know has been informed that her grandmother has cancer, so I ask you to keep her in your thoughts, prayers, what have you.

And just there, nothing can be "perfect" for everyone at the same time. You start to feel a bit guilty. It's hard to enjoy something when you know someone else is having a hard time. Rightfully so. Things are breaking, and things are going to continue to break. This is what I hate about being so cheerful sometimes.

Something out there, one little thing is going to happen and everything will unravel. And we'll be left with building it up again. It's like true happiness is teasing us, and it keeps on cheating on us with those who don't "deserve" it.

Yes, you could isolate yourself completely in a palace with abundant resources. No one in danger of leaving or hurting you, except for yourself. And you will hurt yourself.

*Breath out*

1 comment:

  1. This is really deep. Let me start off by saying I don't like jelly beans. I think the texture is gross and they get stuck in my teeth. I think it is lovely that you like them though! Also I agree with the difference of warm cookies vs cold cookies. Although I've never had turkey bacon. I'll instead compare it to the difference between beef and turkey jerky. I prefer beef. By far.
    I'm kinda fangirling over the fact that you're a fellow redditer right now. I enjoy that website so much.
    I also know what you mean about feeling guilty about being happy when other people are going through tough stuff. It's really hard, and it makes you feel bad. But like you said, stuff is going to keep on breaking, so somebody will always be unhappy.