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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Little Children.

There is a small human being who can barely fit his arms around his head alive in my home. He sort of waddles when he walks. I like to look at the top of his head when he is running around, because it makes me feel so tall. He's a little human. In my home. He's not even three feet tall. It's so cute.

I'm not terribly fond of lolcatz. I find them annoying, for I do not see the humor in their admittedly clever captions. I do like the pictures though. I could look at videos of kittens and rabbits and other creatures for hours.  But children are different. Children are powerful imps.

Little children are annoying, but when they hug you, it's like you're eating caramel-covered brownies. Little kids are so freaking short. AH. You can nudge their heads to make them move like prodding small cattle. You can teach them that frosting is actually celery and they will live a large chunk of their lives thinking that. And years down the line, when they are in public, and they say, "I want celery on my cake," everyone will be like "HAHAHAHwhat" And it will be lame.

Toddlers are just the right size. You can easily pick them up, provided you have experience. It's like handling  a dog for the first time. I almost dropped one in front of a large group of people. Not a kid, a dog. Hahahahawkward.

Kids who don't yet know how to read are the best. You can make up stories about them. OH MY GOSH, the little kid just giggled. Ah, I love his giggle. It's like the kind where you push air through your throat, and your neck is sort of crunched up. It's like a mix of that and that laughter you hear in every commercial involving kids. You know the one. It's like...a cascading waterfall. I've tried to mimic it but it never works.

When a little kid draws on your math homework, you should feel honored. Back in 8th grade, the little one drew in brown marker all over my history book.The guy across from me had the best look on his face, while I kept on reading out loud. He's starting to draw faces now, and they're funny because you know... KIDS.

When kids make funny faces, it's cute. Not like adults. Picture all of your teachers with a stupid funny face. HAHAHHAHA. Yes.

SIDE NOTE: Facebook users, what the hell? You guys come up with the best fake middle names ever. Some are understandable, but "G'Money" wen your mother is the dean of students at my old middle school? No, baby. No. Heh. G'Money.

Little kids dancing is cute. He knows how to pelvic thrust. And my sister taught him. My family is odd. We like to scream at each other for no reason. I also taught my brother to call himself a buttface while thinking he was insulting my sister. I'm a bad sister. That's actually one of my regrets. I'll unteach him this weekend.

AHA, buttface is such an immature insult.

Watching little kids sleep is awesome. They are like kittens in tiny blankets. THEY SNORE. When you poke them in an attempt to wake up, they just switch sides. So cute. Their hands are so tiny. I want to bite their noses.

They're going to grow up and corrupt themselves with older people around our age.

Good night, this is weird.

1 comment:

  1. I get what you mean about lolcats. I really don't like many of the websites that company hosts. I used to in middle school, but now the only one I sort of like is very demotivational. If you like to look at just the pictures though, I suggest kittenwars.com. It's a lovely website where you're given a picture of two cats/kittens and you vote for which one is the cutest!
    I love small children! In a not creepy way. But really, they're fantastic. I really wish sometimes, that I had a younger sibling from when they were *little*. (I got Aidan when he was 7, after all the cuteness left.)

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