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Sunday, May 8, 2011

What's Next?

Quite a bit has happened in the past week. Aside from all of the stress brought about by an upcoming test, and the opportunity to formally write, my mind has been swinging on one of those carnival rides shaped like an Egyptian boat. On one end of the spectrum, there is total jubilation, head-numbing excitement about success. On the other, something horribly disappointing.

I've neglected my social life for the past week, it seems. In addition to lunch reviews and attempts at isolation to study/whimper, I've been arriving later and later. No more morning time. No lunch time. Very little after school time. And it's not even like sleep is making up for it. I'm getting less of it.

Oh, and the cherry on top of this ice cream cone of despair? I spent an hour or so reading threads on college forums about rejections. Before that, I spent hours on Y!A reading about failing the aforementioned upcoming test. I spent a few minutes letting all of this information build up inside and manifest in the form of bitchtears.

Bitchtears are tears shed where you cannot really justify them out loud. It's caused by internal turmoil and external influences. Bitchtears are tears that you cry when everything has been piling up, and one insignificant thing may happen, and it just all comes out. Bitchtears are for the weak. Bitchtears are for the strong. Bitchtears are human.

This certainly was a wake-up call. After reading that people with nearly perfect SAT scores and a crapload of extracurriculars got rejected from Rice, my dream school, I realized what I needed to do. Granted, this doesn't mean I'm going to do it. As much as I hate to type that, let's be realistic. I am quite lazy.

I'm sorry for posting about something so negative after a while of abandonment. I believe in balance, though. One very very very positive thing is that my nails are now painted to near-perfection and my shoes match. I brushed them delicately with an old toothbrush and a solution of water, bleach, and fairy pitsweat. It smelled like cherries. I also cleaned the shoelaces.

You know those little damned areas of darkness that ruin a perfectly good pair of bright white shoelaces? Only a week of usage, and they seemed to be dirty. DUTTY. I scrubbed them with the toothbrush, too, but it was not very effective. So I soaked them in bleach, then threw them in the washing machine.

This may not sound very positive, but hear me out. I thought it'd be clever to balance out one small bad thing (while college is, in fact, a very very big thing) with one small good thing.

I promise not to alter my form of writing because of a previously discussed development. I know I curse in here quite a bit. I just cannot mention my school's name now. All will be well.

Stressed? Not anymore! What happened, happened, and what will happen, will too. I think the key to maintaining sanity is in acceptance of the circumstances. It doesn't stop there. It's the start of a constant effort to get back to where you feel like you can conquer the world. This does NOT mean that you should just not try for anything. That's where most of the fun comes in, yeah?

I'll leave you with one final thing. Say you're planning a trip with someone. Or a group event. Or whatever. Have you ever found that... planning it is often more enjoyable, or at least as enjoyable, as the actual event? I guess that's what this is. YES, it is stressful, and YES, you're going to be tired. But even if the event turns out to be a total failure, you at least know you did your best to make this work out.

Speaking of planning for the future... the very near future, methinks it is time for sleep. AGH, go to this website to find out what time you should sleep and what time you should wake up. I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, it's just something that I thought people would find useful as stressed-out teenagers, young adults, whatever.



  1. OH! I am an expert at bitchtears! I remember once (I'm pretty sure this is how it went) I had had a really really crappy week and I had found out some huge news that hit me hard. I thought I was fine with it. I didn't vent or anything. But then I was fixing a PBJ sandwich, the most docile of afternoon snacks, and I dropped the knife on the ground. That tiny little action caused me to break down into tears and I think I punched a wall. Not fun. Anyway, although I don't have the AP, I can relate to you about the stress and all.
    And I just wanted to tell you that I really am proud of you. Like, I know I say that all the time and I mean it, but I really am so proud of you. I mean, I've seen you studying almost every day after school. You've put in tons of work for this test and I know you're going to give it your best. And just remember, while you might be stressing out about this, it will help you in the long run. All of this time you're dedicating to this is giving you a work ethic. And as far as colleges go, don't worry about them yet. You might just blow that off, but really, we have these last weeks of school and then summer before we have to stress about colleges. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. And I'll be there with you the whole way.

  2. Well this is mega late, sorry about that. But:
    I'm really glad the AP is over because it was super stressful. I was planning to bake all of you guys cookies, but I didn't get around to it. Sorry.
    I think the website is really cool, you can figure it out yourself if you want more sleep by just figuring out how much sleep you get, and dividing by 90. Then mess with it (hopefully adding sleep if possible) until there's no remainder.
    There's a website that calculates if you study for x number of hours, what grade you should make. But it's for colleges. (Which means it very well may work for Agnes. I haven't tried it yet though, and I misplaced the link... So...)