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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Yay, June.

Oh stop, please, there's a guy with green chest hair, what are you doing? I'm so uncomfortable. It's the most unattractive thing ever, because it's shaped like a triangle, too. What is he doing.

So, yes, hi, it's summer now, yay. It's been my busisest summer ever. I usually hate summer because I spend most of mine at home alone, but now I have a schedule and there are actually people that are talking to me. UuuuMmMMm hmmMMm, let's see.

I'm currently obsessed with becoming internet famous, but in a good way. I've been analyzing videos of people who have successfully reached that point and I'm trying to pull out their strategies. I've got nothing so far.

More scattered thoguhts. A guy I used to go to school is now works at Abercrombie. You go, man. He was that kid who made crude jokes, but he was sweet at the same time. Not many people paid attention to him, but now all of the people that I run into comment on his increased ability to attract others. Yeah, man, you go. There was one time when we sat in the same class and the teacher said something and I was the only girl who laughed and then he laughed and it was honestly nothing romantic, but I felt a brotherly connection. That's it, we used to have similar senses of humor. I raise my fist to your future, though, seriously. Thanks for laughing with me that time.

Speaking of running into people that I used to know, I ran into one of my old "clique" members this week. She was like, a necessary column in the clique temple and I was kind of just a decorative basket of fruit on a table behind her. Except now the roles have changed AH-AH-AH-AH-HAH. We're both baskets of fruits and it's high school so no one really cares about cliques. Anyway, yeah. I was doing this week-long day camp for little children with mental disabilities. More on that later. But she was sitting across the room and I sort of stared while avoiding eye contact for a while. I wasn't trying to be creepy, but I guess it looked weird. I was just always looking in her direction to verify that it was her. Once I was positive, I gave her a little shout-out and she responded and the small-talking began. So, you know, I'm like, cool right. This is going well, maybe we'll be friends again. Except after three more brief conversations about cathcing up, we literally spent three entire hours standing next to each other saying nothing. Nothing. Three hours. Watching campers play. Sitting in chairs, staring at our phones, saying nothing.

I probably could have carried on something. It wasn't like either of us shut down the conversation, I think we just needed to put forth a bit more effort. I'm ok with being outgoing and making friends, but it is just exhausting as fuck. And then sometimes it reaches a point where you've made so many new friends that your brain can't handle it. So that's when I shut down and go back to my normal quiet self. I actually love talking to new/almost new/old people.

I guess I go through stages whenever I want to establish a friendship. It starts with small talk, y'know. Questions about them, agreements, nods of respect. I grill them about their lives and if I'm lucky, I get someone who grills me back and we find something in common. Other times they just like to talk about themselves, which makes my job easier. And then there are times where I'm feeling really outgoing and I get with a really quiet person and I try to make them feel comfortable. Which sounds so creepy, but I can't...I'll show you later...I'll put up a video or something. After all that jazz, I joke around, which unfortunately usually means a bit of teasing. Yeah, I'll insult people within an hour of meeting them if I enjoy their presence. I guess it's like a test. This doesn't happen with every case. I think it happens more with the initially quiet people. With loud, self-centered, talkitive people, I tend to stay quiet. No jokes. They tend to make jokes abotu themselves, though, so I'll laugh at them. But yeah, I'll insult you and sometimes I take things way too far.

If they return it, we're friends. I just know it. We're not going to be awkward anymore. I can smile at you in the hallway and it'll be cool. I can ask you for a pencil in class and we'll talk some more and laugh some more and yesss friendship. But most of the times it'll stop there. Because you're going to exhaust me. Or I'm exhausting myself because people are hard. I've found that if none of these events happen, the potential relationship dies out. So I guess that's what happened. I'm still intimidated by that girl because she was always suuuper competitive in gym class.

So. That's my take on my methods of obtaining a friend. With closer friends, I don't really think about everything too much. It's that, or everyone I'm close to is just easy to talk to. They're not exhausting, so yes, cheers, mad props. Another thing is the acceptance of silence. It's one thing to spend three hours in silence in the situation mentioned above at that camp. But other times, I'll be able to totally enjoy a nice, warm silence with someone. That's so cool, though. More props. It's like, we've come to this understanding that we don't have to talk all the time, and you're ok with not saying anything. That doesn't mean we're boring, it's's what happens.

I need to switch topics now because I'm bored but I can't come up with a good transition plus this is getting kind of long. SOoOOosoO)oOO)O)oooO0((O new blog post rih' now, thanks.

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