So the grammar and writing structure might be kind of different, I guess since I'm churning away on my phone. It has a really tiny display and while it is cute sometimes, it gets really annoying after a while. Like babies or animals or the whole Hello Kitty fanbase where you find grown-ass women devoting their entire lives to the damn disproportionate cute fucking cat. And I'm not trying to bag on people who find pleasure in something. I'm in a really shitty mood so I'm taking it out on babies and animals and Hello Kitty. But real talk, babies can get really annoying.
Anyway, today has been a really humid and disgusting one. I can't use my bitch of a computer and I wanted to write a diary entry but I can't so I'm doing this and just wow. It's not the end of the world, but it's an inconvenience and sometimes it's okay to whine about the "little things."
Like, honestly, all I want to do is complain because that's what I would do in the fuxkong diary entry but I can't.
So yeah first, computer, piece of shit. It just up and flopped out all of a sudden. And at the time my sister was carrying out her duties as Satan's servant with great gusto by howling out a live running singing commentary. The fucking worst. Because when your computer isn't working or your food is getting burnt or your baby is broken, the last thing you want to hear is some gotdamn singing and, "oh...oh...is it still broken? Why did you break it? What did you even do wrong?" to the melody of shitty elevator music.
Today we went through our most passive-aggressive interaction ever. She did a bunch of just flat-out petty stuff, too. Like she took the Pyrex pan that I used to make cookies and put it in front of my door with a fucking note that said "please clean me." It had a drawing of the pan on it, too, and I think that's what pissed me off the most. I was going to get to cleaning it, don't get me wrong. I'm lazy, but I do get around to things.
Shit, I just really want this poor thing to work again. I'm also not pleased with the fact that I won't ever be able to write my name in the snow with urine. I'm also kind of pissed about the word "urine" because it's kind of uncomfortable. On top of that, I'm mad at how I'm not comfortable with that word because I guess I should be. Fuck.
I spraypainted my carpet on accident. It's red and well, if my dad ever planned on selling it, that's not going to go over well.
I kept a voicemail from the same punk-ass butthat who spat verbal acid at my hair choice. He called me aggravating. I'm not too worked up about it now, so I don't know why I'm keeping it in my voicemail archive or whatever. I think it's a reminder that no matter how fucking hard you try to be nice to someone, those hos out there will shoot you down. I need to remember and realize that not everyone is going to like me.
I've been not liked before, and I won't lie and say I didn't deserve any of the hatred. But this was uncalled for. Ok so maybe I am still a bit sore about it.
It looks like the German flag now, but in the wrong order. Orange-red, yellow and black. Yeah, really. The orangey stuff was accidental...sort of. I dyed it all back to black except for two parts near my ear, but that made me look like Frakenstein's monster's lady friend. Not my best decision. So I tortured my hair by putting bleach on top of it and now it's blood red, but not bright blood, like...the stuff in bags for transfusions I guess.
So I'm just obsessed with appearance. Not of other people, but more with myself. As much as I'd love to be one of those all-natural people, I can't. It's my way of expressing myself. I think really, it's colors. Like, that's really the foundation of my personal obsession. If things look good together, I want it. Which explains the three different colors of hair now and the countless eyeshadow colors. It's not prissiness or girliness, I don't think. I wanna say it's more...art. Because that is honestly what I enjoy the most, aside from humor and like well people.
I don't do things to get noticed and I don't do things for reactions, but it's more...I like how that works together with another thing. My dad doesn't seem to understand.
He thinks all of my recent drastic changes are the result of peer pressure. I hate copying people, though.
I'm really impulsive when it comes to some things. I don't think a lot of things through. I tried to give myself a huge henna tattoo on my leg after forgetting I had an allergic reaction to it earlier. I got a few pictures out of it, though. I want things and I want them to be perfect and I want them as quickly as possible. Which is why I've applied bleach to parts of my hair 4 times in a week to get the right color, when they say to try it only once a month. I blew all of the money in my bank account for some rings from Singapore. The common factor in all of these was that I could feel that I probably shouldn't do any of it, but my desire for perfection and whatever else was greater.
This is now turning into a list of my flaws. I'm a pro at saying I'm able to go places with people but something always comes up. But I wait until the last moment to tell them and it's rude and annoying and I know. And then people start thinking I hate them when I don't.
Except in some cases, I really just don't want to go. Like I was invited once to this fun adventure one time and I was kind of friends with everyone but not really and I just didn't want to go. Because I started thinking about conversation dynamics and figured it wasn't worth going just to be ignored. Or like someone invited me to a family trip but like actually we never talked much at all.
So I mean, excuse after excuse and I can't tell whether I really want to hang out with people at all now. But then I get all fucking sad and stuff because I didn't go and well, goddamnit Micaela make up your fucking mind.
Another thing that I'm pissed about is the fact that I am not driving or learning and well fuxk it's so just no. I'm not mad at my parents, because they're busy. But just like, everyone is either already doing it or they're about to do it. All I need to do is fucking learn damn it. Damn it. I've done the classes and now I just need to get behind a wheel. To be honest, I just don't want to be that senior who isn't driving and I KNOW it's a bad attitude to have because I want to rush things. But right now I'm not trying to make myself seem perfect.
Yeah, that's it thanks, bye.