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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

11:11

I've just been writing a lot. This may sound like total crap, but usually, when I write something that I'm wishing for that is reasonably easily attainable, it'll happen. I'll type up a plan for something or my own wishes for things and after that it'll manifest. I don't really do anything drastic to advance any of those things, but I mean. It's all a bunch of crap. I know.

So anyway, this is about 11:11 wishes. Kind of related. I guess when I was younger, those were basically prayers. Wishlists, daily wishlists. I would just ask for a long list of things, very good things like keeping my family alive and maybe that I would do well on a test the next day. In middle school, I got really religious. So my prayers became more elaborate. And I would attempt to offer God an incentive for "granting" them. So I would start off by thanking him for everything, like my house, family, school, clothes, food, water, my favorite things. And then I would ask for a long list of things.

In 8th grade, I peaked. That was the most religious point of my entire life. Cheerleading try-outs were coming up and I really wanted to make it. At that point, I had never wanted anything more than that. Not even my parents reunion. It was odd. So I came up with this long prayer routine, in the hopes that it would help even more. I started with an Our Father, then a Hail Mary, then the Angel of God one that I memorized from a stuffed praying bunny. After that, I would list the things I was thankful for and finally I would ask for the health of the people I cared about and cheerleading success. Then I would top it off with another well-known prayer. I did this for a whole month. An entire month, right before I went to sleep. I would not sleep until it was totally finished. Prayer was basically a way for me to ask for things.

In high school, I do not know what happened exactly, but I began rejected the idea of religion. Things just didn't make sense, and I have one teacherin particular to thank for that. Anyway, for the first three years, the prayers just switched to 11:11 wishes. basically the same thing except much shorter. And I didn't have to list things.

They would mostly be for like people. I always fall for a crapload of people and when I do, I fall hard. Not in a touchy way, but like, I want them to be my friend really badly or I want them to... be okay or happy or whatever. Like friendcrushes? Or like, I want to stay in contact with them forever. So at 11:11, I would just think about them super hard. That meant squinting my eyes and thinking their name over and over again in my head, for that whole minute. It's kind of really weird. I'd sometimes do this little chant in a mumble with just their name over and over again, hoping the 11:11 god would just know what I was hoping for them.

And I thought it would work. Like maybe the next day, something would happen and I would go home and just be like, "oh, that actually worked!" So I'd do it a lot. But this year, none of that is working and I guess I'm growing out of it.

But I wish didn't. I wish I had something to hope for. I tried to catch that Persied meteor shower, because I honestly hoped to treat them like shooting stars. Are they not? I read somewhere that they were considered shooting stars. Anyway, yeah. because at least those are more "real." I don't necesssarily believe that they'd actually help, but it's still kind of a nice thing to be able to say.

I have a few things now I'd like to really wish for. So. Yeah.

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