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Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Rant #3

I hate it when something ruins your day at the end of it. Like goddamn. I was enjoying EVERY single moment of today before that kid made a good point about my lack of involvement. I guess I'm angry because he's right, I'm not doing enough in there. If something tiny like that happens, it takes me a LOT to get over it. It's really petty of me. I'll go through the day and put together every good thing and try to attack the negative instance with that. But it keeps on coming up and it's so frustrating because none of this should be a big deal.

I don't even know, I guess I need to work on having thicker skin because A) I'm leaving soon, kind of, and B) We are seriously going to die someday so it really won't matter.

Like, someone, even someone close to me, will say something, like a correction. Even my dad. And I'll think about that for a looong time. I don't like being corrected. Or like, especially sarcastic comments. Or condescending ones. Or anything that someone says to make me look stupid. And when that happens, THAT is when I start considering my accomplishments. So I have those urges to list the things I've done to let people know I'm not stupid.

I fucking hate looking stupid or inexperienced in something. So starting new things when other people are basically experts is hell. It's fucking hell. Because people are trying to help but I don't like getting help. I feel like I'm wasting their time and I feel like they think that I'm not picking up on things as quickly.

I hate people sometimes. I hate, ugh, god I hate interacting with people. Today was sort of a really confusing day. I don't know how we all put up with each other's bullshit a lot of the time. There are golden moments and those count for a lot. But sometimes, I just want to strangle people. I want to put my hands around their necks and just squeeze for a while.

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