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Monday, January 7, 2013

Thought Dump

So hello, yes, it was the first day of the second semester of my senior year, and I'm just going to go down and list things. Forget eloquence and logically tying things into each other, this is just what's happening. Hooray.

I usually get really excited about the first day back after a lot of breaks, because that means seeing friends or teachers, right, that I haven't seen in a while. But this time, I didn't feel it as much. That kind of threw me off, I don't know, it's minor. I expected a few changes in classes, but when I actually got to them, I was more surprised than expected. These are just the ones that have changed/will change the most.

So I still have Pre-Calculus for first period, and that was pretty normal. I was put in a new group (man, I really hate those) and we had to start with a bit of small talk, but once we got going, it was alright. I think I can get comfortable with them. I really used to despise working in small groups for math, but I've found that it actually does help. It basically forces you to do homework and participate, because everyone depends on one another. I usually always do homework, but I half-ass it, so it's pushing me. And the previous midterm exam was an eye-opener. I went into this semester with a plan to do better. I can do the stuff, the simple stuff, it's fine, but then things started to pick up later on. And I hate asking people for help, in general, especially strangers. Because  you don't know if they're going to be condescending about it. There are some people who are totally genuine about answering questions, and they really want to help you understand. But picking them out is difficult, so I avoid that altogether. So yeah, I didn't even go to my math teacher for assistance, when I really should have. Or at the very least, I should have contacted my friends who were in it. I was literally one point away on the test from a B, which would have been juuust enough to slip me over the edge for a 3, in terms of GPA. All of my other grades were perfect and lovely.

Math is just... egh what is it- it's just always been an issue for me. I get the concepts and I can pull them together on homework. I can explain it in class to other students and people ask me for help. I get really bold in class, too, which is really odd for me. But outside of that environment, including on tests and quizzes, all of that seems to fizzle out. Being smart in the classroom is nice, but one of the main goals of learning is being able to apply that information outside of that realm. That's my issue. It's only a matter of going over it when I get home and drilling it in. It's an easy fix. But I have never truly studied before, because I never needed to. So it's rather difficult to pick up these new habits. I'll fix it.

What was next? Oh, yes, they put me in Fitness Through Rhythm and Motion, and it's really just a casual dance class. This replaces Journalism. I am glad to be out of that class. It wasn't what I fell in love with. It sort of fell apart for me at the end of last year. There's a huge group of seniors that are really close to one another, and they run it. The outsiders were me and this really sweet girl. The only thing I regret about switching out was leaving her behind, because honestly, she was the best part about that class.

Well so now I'm here. I have a hatred of structured dancing. I don't pick things up as easily now. It was much better during middle school. I choreographed a dance and taught it to a bunch of people. Even though it fell apart on the actual day, I felt good while doing it. Nowadays, I just cannot catch on. What makes it worse is that a lot of the people around me can pick up movements easily. More on that later. I'll dedicate an entire post to it. I mean, but since this isn't as important, this hopefully won't be bad. I just really don't like people watching me, in general, but it's 1098210x worse when it's for something I'm not good at.

English- The dynamics have shifted because a friend from another class moved into mine. I have this weird thing with English classes. I'm usually more comfortable in a class full of strangers. It's easier for me to not hold back. It seems so strange, but I hold back a lot in classes with friends because I'm afraid of some type of judgment. They're not supposed to, but it's just that I'm used to seeing them in a more loose environment, where I'm joking around. So they've only really seen the humorous side of me. Being in a class with them almost forces me to tone everything down. I also don't want to look stupid in front of them, so the whole question-fear thing is intensified. It's only some classes, though like English (for all 4 years) and only during this year, science. I've always piped up in theology classes regardless of who I really know, along with math. Okay especially math. Which is kind of odd considering that it is my worst class. dskjhg Okay, so really, I just feel like it's going to change a lot this semester. I'm excited, but I will silence myself. Or just sort of tone myself down a lot. So there's that.

And then Government, but I'm not too worried about that at all. It's different, there are new people and a different teacher. I miss my old one a lot.

The rest seem to be just fine, they are the only constants for the day and I am so thankful. There are still girls in my physics class I would like to not hear on a near-daily basis, but for the most part, that's just fine. Workshop is just the same. I feel no different. At all. It's good. Like honestly, all of that is good.

Now for the other stuff, yeah-

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