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Saturday, May 18, 2013

One of the Biggest Regrets

That's another thing. Making fun of people who can't socialize. It sickens me. I've spoken up about it and I thought I converted people away from it, but in public, they slip back into it. It always comes back to this.

There was a kid who seemed to linger around groups. He didn't know how to socialize at all and people made fun of him. To his face. To his face. And it was sick. It always comes back to this kid. Every time someone makes fun of a kid for wanting to be on his or her own, I think about him. He went through tough shit and he didn't harm anybody. He didn't harm a single god damn person and people still made fun of him simply because he was "awkward."

He didn't contribute to group conversations, but he tried. And for some reason, nobody tried to incorporate him. I didn't. I didn't do shit until the last moment. People avoided him, made jokes about him to his face, laughed at him. He was not a bad person. He wasn't cocky or condescending or rude or stupid. He didn't backstab anyone. He didn't ever mistreat me. He made comments on certain things, but it was clear that he honestly didn't understand why others opposed them. 

For example, he made a conversation about race once. This is going to sound odd, but he linked my nugget baking escapades with my skin color and the related stereotypes. So yes, I was upset. But everyone else around him at the time was making jokes about race and they were tolerated. He wanted to be tolerated. He wanted to fit in. He wanted to just be fuckin' accepted. 

I didn't do shit. I used to think I was doing him a favor by talking to him once. That's a shitty way to live, that's honestly horrible. To feel like some sort fo fuckin' hero for being nice to that one kid. No, but after a few of those conversations, he actually became really wonderful to me. 

This is not meant to be odd, and I don't mean this in a romantic way at all. But I saw him. Not the social outcast or the awkwardness. I saw him for him, and that was a victim of shitty people. We had no fucking reason to exclude him. No reason. He didn't mean to hurt anyone. 

He is not a bad person. 

You know who the bad people are? The girl who thanked God that he left the school. Also, the girls who agreed. Who else/ The girl who once thought she saw him in the parking lot one day and said she got legitimately scared. And the girl who saw this going on and didn't do anything. 

Only one person has really understood how I feel about this. The others I have told seem to "forget" agreeing with me about how cruel the treatment was and they continue to laugh at him when they are in public. Some people try to fix it after laughing out loud. It's noble, but it's even more noble to be able to hold back laughter and actually try to get him. 

His life could have been so much better. If people stopped being dicks. I feel truly sorry because of my inaction.

But I also feel incredibly angry. To be honest, I don't understand how some people can willingly enjoy the company of someone who harbors so much hatred for that which they don't understand. I prefer to associate with those who love others and don't judge based on little things. 

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